Hi, I work for the Census Bureau. Here's my identification.
We're updating our maps and address list for next year's census. Can you tell me how many units there are in this building?
OK, and are there any other places at this address where people live or could live?
All right. Thanks for your time.
That's how it's supposed to work.
Tuesday I was buzzed into a religious institution.
The woman behind the desk met my eyes with a steely gaze.
"Do you have an appointment?"
"No, I don't. I work for the Census Bureau. I really only have one question. Are there any living quarters here?"
"I'm going to have to make a phone call."
She dialed. "Yes, Ellen. . . We have some people here from the Census Bureau. They're requesting" — and here you could tell she wanted to use a big word — "pertinent information." Her lips curled into a little sneer.
There was a pause. "Well, I let them in because I thought. . . Well, you know. I thought they were here for that thing. Which I cannot mention." She paused to look at us and then spoke ominously into the phone: "For obvious reasons."
She got off the phone and said she couldn't help us. We told her that someone would be back to see her later.
Who the fuck knows what was going on there. It's never the nuns you suspect.
But mostly, I don't meet any resistance. People are pretty fired up about the Census. I've had people call out after me down the street to ask if they can help me.
Occasionally people will show an interest in the HHC, or hand-held computer. My response is always the same: "I can't show you the computer, because I could lose my job. And I really need this job."
One of my supervisors has as many journalism degrees as I do. I told her my story. We concluded that yeah, out there shit was pretty bad and, all things considered, the Census gig was pretty good.
If the Census didn't exist, it would be necessary to invent it.
So far two guys have answered the door without their shirts on. One had his mustache waxed into perfect curlicues.
But I can't tell you where he lives. Because I could lose my job. And I really need this job.